


The Risks I Take To Stay

by Detective4



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - No Exy (All For The Game), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Because prostitution, Bruises, But there's nothing explicit, Dan as Hennessey, Dissociation, Dubious Consent, Hurt Neil Josten, Ice Cream, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jeremy and Jean are in Columbia because I love them and I want them there, M/M, Model Kevin Day, Model Riko Moriyama, Neighbors, Neil's 17, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Kevin Day/Riko Moriyama, Prostitute Neil Josten, Prostitution, Scars, Slow Burn, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Underage Prostitution, any questions?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:26:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26002633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Detective4/pseuds/Detective4
Summary: A Neil Prostitute AU where he struggles to make a living after his mom's death and struggles to cope with how hedoesmake a living.--In which Neil has two jobs, Andrew is his neighbor, Kevin is a model, and Jean and Jeremy are there because I love them
Relationships: Kevin Day & Neil Josten, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 83
Kudos: 243





	1. Learning the Ropes, There Goes My Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a oneshot, but I got caught up in backstories and now I feel like I need more breathing room.
> 
> So here's chapter one!!
> 
> Please comment if you enjoy! Or suffer! Or if it makes you sad! Really any emotion at all.

Neil had a job.

He very much, definitely had a job. _One,_ normal, job that allowed him to pay for his rent for his small apartment and his groceries and other necessities. Yes, he most certainly had one of those. 

It was only a small lie.

Okay, he had two jobs. One was at an ice cream shop called Sweetie’s. It only paid well in tips, and unfortunately, good tippers in this area were few and far between. The other, well… It was his night job. Plenty of people had those, right? It’s perfectly normal, perfectly _fine._

He _needed_ it. Not only so he had a roof over his head, but also so he could save up for college. He was 17 and completely broke, his mom leaving him with nothing when she left. 

His mother had died in a car accident on the coast of California six months ago. At least, that’s what he told anyone who cared to ask what a 17 year old was doing on his own. The truth was, his mother was killed by his father _two_ months ago when he finally caught up to them in California, and Neil was only able to get away by the worn ragged tips of his fingers. He was left stranded on his own, with no money, no contacts, and most definitely, no binder _filled_ with money and contacts.

Last month, the news of his father’s arrest filled the channels of the television, the terrifying serial killer of sick interest to the public finally put away for good. A man who killed his wife, among many other victims, and is thought to have murdered his son as well. The only thing they found of him was a duffel bag stuffed with meager belongings and a black binder filled with encoded papers and cash.

Neil needed to disappear.

They thought him dead, which meant so long as he was careful, stayed off the grid and kept his head down, he should be okay. So, he ran to South Carolina and picked a decently shitty neighborhood in Columbia where people didn’t ask many questions. He found a job, found a rundown apartment building that _didn’t_ seem infested with any sort of vermin or bug, and enrolled himself in some free online high school classes, on a laptop that turned itself off half the time and glitched the other half, that could get him up to date where he needed to be in the next year or so. 

He was completely set.

 _Except,_ he underestimated the amount of money he was going to need and overestimated how much Sweetie’s was going to pay him. He found himself going hungry more than a few nights, or going without lights or hot water for weeks on end. He knew if he was living this way now, there was no way he’d be able to pay for college in a year and pretty soon he’d be living like this forever.

So he’d improvised. 

He’d gotten the idea that people found him attractive in these parts from the vulgar words tossed at him on the street like a rotten fish to a trained seal, and the sharp looks he’d get from the girls that were dressed up on those streets, leaning into car windows and hiding their shivers in the cold night air.  
He knew he could take advantage of that attraction and he knew how to do it in a way that would benefit him. He _didn't,_ however, know how to do it safely, but he figured those girls were still alive, so he’d survive too. 

Yes, he’d become a prostitute. He wouldn’t say he was _proud_ of it, but it was something so necessary to his survival that at the moment he could only be thankful he had the option to earn extra, _good_ money in so little time. He didn’t have the luxury of being ashamed.

Neil worked five days a week at Sweetie’s and had his nights and weekends for his other job. He mostly only worked the streets on weekend nights, but the jobs were inconsistent enough that sometimes he had to make exceptions. Tonight was one of those nights.

It was Friday and he had gotten off from work two hours ago, showered, changed, and tried to get a little homework done on his short-tempered laptop. He’d only been doing this for a couple of weeks and it’d been hard to figure out what to wear and how to act. He’d quickly figured out that his usual loose and worn clothing, used to make him blend in and be able to move easily, wasn’t going to work. 

None of the girls he saw at night seemed to invite conversation and the only other boy he’d seen had taken one look at him, rolled his eyes and hopped in some older man’s truck. He’d had to study what they did and what they wore from afar to try and get some success with clients. He’d done some research on the internet as well, and was able to save up enough for a few items that he hoped he could configure into more than one presentable outfit. 

He’d been picked up a few times before, but being so new and inexperienced only got you points by itself for so long. Besides, they’d only been blowjobs so far and he’d only been able to haggle $20 out of the men for each one, especially in his raggedy clothing. The only thing that made that live-able was that he was able to do multiple a night, if the clients were plentiful. 

Tonight was his first night wearing his new clothes and he was desperate for the money. His rent was due on Monday and he hadn’t bought groceries for two weeks.  
He’d pulled on the jean shorts he’d bought from the women’s section, mid-thigh and hugging his ass in a way he’d seen on the girls who seemed to get picked up most often. He tucked an old, loose black t-shirt of some band he’d never heard of into the shorts, twisting in the mirror to see the way it emphasized his small waist. He finished it off with a black belt and dark, knee-high socks that he hoped matched his worn out sneakers. Shoes were expensive to buy new.

He ran a hand through his brown hair. His roots were starting to show, which terrified him, but he couldn’t very well afford hair dye at the moment. His hair was getting a bit long in the front, loose curls tumbling over his forehead, but he knew how people liked to tug on it and left it be.  
The last of his colored contacts were in that bag the FBI had taken, so his eyes were showing their natural icy blue. It felt like shards of that ice pierced his lungs every time he caught his eye in the mirror. 

The spot he’d chosen to stick around was about four blocks away from his apartment building. He couldn’t risk any clients finding out where he lived or his landlord realizing where he got his rent money. He wasn’t entirely sure the man would care, but it was better safe than sorry.

He arrived on his street by 10:30pm and already, there were cars stopping by. Neil didn’t know that Friday nights were this busy, since he’d mostly stuck to Saturdays and Sundays, but he might need to change his schedule up.  
His legs were definitely already freezing in the biting autumn air, but he hid it as best as he could. He walked around a bit, partly to keep up an aloof appearance, but mostly to assure blood flow to his cold limbs. 

A car pulled up to the curb twenty minutes later, much less time than it usually took and Neil silently thanked his outfit for its hard work. Neil leaned into the window when it rolled down, revealing the scruffy face of a man in his thirties. 

“You open for business?” The man asked, eyes sliding down Neil’s body like a serpent observing its prey. Neil certainly felt a bit like a rabbit about to get swallowed whole.

Neil tried to clear his throat subtly, working through his nerves.  
“Yes, sir,” He smiled lightly, “What are you looking to buy?”

Neil’s hand shook the smallest bit when he leaned his cheek against it nonchalantly. He had never found the prospect of sex inviting, but he thought he was willing to do it if he helped him survive, free and out of his father’s grasp. His body was betraying him, but his mind was stubborn.

“Full package, if it’s available. How much?” The man’s wrist was loosely balanced on the top of the steering wheel, posture relaxed and confident, as if he did this every week. He probably did.

Neil had tried to decide on an amount, he really did. He knew he needed to be upfront about costs so he wouldn’t get cheated out of money for such an exhausting and daunting task. But he didn’t know the area, he didn’t know the girls, and he didn’t know the clients. He also had no idea what he was doing.

He forced his lips into a cocky smirk, hoping his nervous eyes didn’t betray him. “What are you willing to give me?” 

The man smiled, seemingly pleased with such a fiery attitude. He seemed to be the type with an upper middle class paycheck and family back at his suburban home. Neil thought he would be reasonable with prices. “Let’s do $150 tonight and see if you can work your way up, hm?”

Neil's feet were going a bit numb, but his mind was satiated a bit by the man’s words prospecting more business after tonight. Anything that might lead to a more consistent paycheck. “Sounds good to me.”

Neil got in the car.

\--

Neil stepped back out of the car feeling strangely detached. 

He bid the man goodbye as if on autopilot, confirming that this was where he usually was on weekends, and starting the trek back to his building. But he couldn’t feel his feet moving.

He wasn’t hurt. At least, he thought he must be in as much pain as most people would be, but it didn’t feel real. 

Though sex was something that never appealed to him, he had thought about it a lot, as many teenagers do. People talked about it a lot, joked about it, fantasized about it, gossiped about it. It felt both at once something life-changing and incredible, and something vulgar and lewd. Neil had never understood how it could be both at once.

He still didn’t. He just wondered how everything could look so normal. How he could feel so… The _same._ When he felt as though something had been taken away from him. When he had let some _stranger_ touch him and feel him and know him in such a private way, in a way he didn’t think he would’ve ever been comfortable with. 

But it happened. And he let it happen. And he had a hundred and fifty bucks tucked away in the back pocket of those tight shorts, the ones that got him this business, the ones that were helping him eat. To not sleep in the rain. 

Is this really what it took?

Neil walked to the entrance of his building, eyes scanning the perimeter tiredly, a habit he had yet to break; didn’t _want_ to break.  
There was something out of place.

A man, leaning against the front of the building, maybe five feet from the door. A small man, possibly even smaller than Neil, with blond hair and dark clothes. Neil was sure he’d never seen him out here before. 

Neil glanced at him as he passed, hand on the door. 

The stranger stared back, face blank and unimpressed, hand not moving from where it held the cigarette to his mouth. Neil saw his gaze flick downwards, eyes noticing the shorts, the _fucking shorts,_ and Neil felt ashamed.

It was an emotion he couldn’t afford to have, couldn’t afford to _feel,_ but he felt blood rush to his head. He hated himself, he hated how cold his legs felt, he hated how the money weighed in his pocket. He could feel hands on his thighs, hands on his hips, a tongue on his neck, and he hated that it felt as though he was getting seen _through._

The man’s eyes had only glanced downwards for a fraction of a second, just taking in a detail and dismissing it, but to Neil it lasted lifetimes. To his horror, he felt his eyes burn, it felt as if his veins were filled with battery acid and he _knew_ he was overreacting. 

He rushed inside. He hadn’t exchanged one word, and the whole interaction lasted only about a second or so, but Neil felt he had had enough of that man to last a lifetime. He never wanted to see him again.

\--

Neil showed up to work Monday afternoon completely drained.

He had gotten mad at himself for moping around all day Saturday, feeling sorry for himself, and made himself get up and work again that night. He was terribly sore, but when a full proposition was offered by a different man that night, he accepted. It was almost like he wanted to prove that it wasn’t a big deal, prove that he could do it, _prove_ that he was overreacting.

He’d had a panic attack in the shower that night, but he now had his complete rent money, and he could at least check that off his stress list. 

He’d only been able to force himself out the door Sunday with the promise that he would only do blowjobs that night. He still threw up when he got back home, throat raw and aching, stomach acid only burning it worse until it felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

He was sure he looked awful, but he couldn’t make himself glance in the mirror all weekend. His stomach constantly hurt and his skin itched like it wanted him to tear it open. 

“Neil! Dude, how are- Are you alright?” Jeremy cut himself off when he came around the counter and got a better look at him.

“I’m fine.” Neil said simply, smiling tightly when Jeremy kept his gaze fixed on his face. 

“Are you getting sick? You look like you haven’t slept for _days._ ” Jeremy’s worried voice might’ve been sweet to others, maybe even to Neil on a _very_ different day, but now it just shredded his nerves like a cheese grater. 

Neil _hadn’t._ Slept that is. He’d tried, but pain and unwanted (but you asked for it, _damn it_ ) touches kept his eyes fixed stubbornly on the dark ceiling when sleep threatened to overtake him. He’d gotten a couple hours, but he was running on pure spite at this point.

“I feel fine, Jeremy. I’m here to work, okay? I promise I’m not contagious.” Neil moved around the counter to clock in and grab his apron. 

“That’s not what I’m worried about! You already work more hours than you need to, you should go home and rest. You look-”

“I _know_ how I look, okay?” Neil cut him off sharply. He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Snapping at people wasn’t the way to keep a job. Especially not if it’s at your _manager._ “And I’m telling you I’m here to work.”

Jeremy let the topic go.

\--

That Friday, Neil went out again, knowing it was his best bet. If he could go to a hotel with someone tonight, he wouldn’t even have to work the rest of the weekend. He probably still should, because he needed money to save up, not just keep him afloat, but he thought if he didn’t take a break soon, he would be the one to break, before he even got started.

The same man from last Friday picked him up, his name now known as Deric, and he offered him $50 extra if he could tie Neil up. Neil mentally froze at the words, the idea of being so helpless under a complete stranger sure to send him into a panic.  
But he took a moment and carefully threaded his fingers through his racing mind screaming DANGER!, and picked out a response for the man.

“Make it $70 and you’ve got a deal.” Neil grinned crookedly, his heart stuttering uselessly in his throat, trying to choke him, when he’s got a _job_ to do. 

Deric chuckled, reaching over the center console of his car to trace a finger over Neil’s cheekbone, like they were friends, like they were _partners,_ like they’d known about each other’s existence for more than a week. Like the man wasn’t _twice_ Neil’s age. 

_I’m choosing to do this._

“Consider it done.”

\--

Neil desperately wished he had brought a scarf.

Not just because the air had become somehow more chilling in just a week, but because his neck now looked like a rabid dog attacked it, and he had absolutely no way of hiding it.

They had been in the middle of- Neil had been in the middle of _working,_ his hands tied up above him with honest to God _rope,_ when Deric had started sucking at his neck like it was the last ice pop on earth and it was 100 degrees outside instead of 30. 

Neil had immediately panicked, thinking of marks, and starting squirming, grimacing at the feeling it produced between their bodies.  
“Wait-... Don’t-” He tried.

Deric nipped his neck playfully against his protests, as if it were a _game._ As if they were two lovers after a long day at work. As if people seeing marks like this on his neck wouldn’t completely skew their perspective of him. As if having his neck marked up wouldn’t completely dissuade other clients from stopping for him until they were gone.  
He’d heard the girls muttering dejectedly about it. No one liked being reminded that they were using dirty toys. 

“ _Relax._ I’ll pay you extra if it bothers you, just-” Deric resumed his ministrations, hardly waiting for any kind of response from Neil. It was highly likely he didn’t require one. 

Neil had shut his mouth. What was the point? The damage was already started and if he argued he might not get the extra pay he was promised. He bit his tongue and arched his neck up farther, his brain transporting him somewhere millions of miles away from there.

But now he was dealing with the consequences of the two hundred and fifty dollars in his pocket. 

He noticed the blond man as he was approaching his building at a brisk pace. His feet stuttered like a record scratching over concrete and he quickly considered his options. 

He could walk back the way he came and spend some time somewhere else until the man went back inside?  
It was 1am and he couldn’t risk more people seeing him like this.

He could go around the back of the building and wait there for the shorter man to leave?  
Back where the druggies hang out? It’s not any safer in the middle of the night than it is in broad daylight.

Why did Neil care so much about one person seeing him like this? What’s the dude gonna do, insult him? Why did it matter to him?  
Was it because he lived in his building? The fact that he’d see him again at some point? 

Neil steeled his nerves and clenched his fists, marching up to the entrance like he lived there. Because he fucking _did,_ and what right did this guy have to make him afraid to walk in to what is basically his _own_ front door?

He felt the weight of the man’s gaze when it landed on him like a physical blow. He was inches from the door, he thought he might actually make it inside uncontested, when; “Did you get attacked by a rogue vacuum cleaner?” 

It was obviously a question, though rhetorical in nature, but with the bored tone and lack of inflection, it sounded like a statement. 

Neil clenched his jaw. He should just go. That’s what he wanted, right? There was no reason to engage in conversation with an ignorant asshole like this.

But Neil never did what he should do, did he? 

Neil was tired, he was in pain, his wrists and shoulders ached, his neck stung. And now he was pissed off.  
He turned his head to face the blond, the man’s gaze level and completely uninterested. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know I needed to cover myself from head to toe just to shield your innocent eyes. I’ll try to be more considerate next time.”

The smaller man just stared at him, eyes assessing, and definitely unaffected by Neil’s outburst. 

Neil couldn’t stand to have this guy look at him. He didn’t know why, but it felt like too much. He opened his mouth for another retort, but found none, and turned away abruptly. He entered his building, and couldn’t wait until he was in the shower so he could panic in peace.

\--

Jeremy was less than impressed by the sight of Neil Monday afternoon. Neil wore a soft, blue turtleneck that he’d hoped would hide most of the marks; and it _did,_ specifically the one _actual_ bite mark closer to his collarbone, but bruises still peeked above the hem.  
Neil was starting to wonder if the extra money was really worth all the work it took to try and hide the marks and make excuses. 

Jeremy practically _squawked_ when Neil walked in the door.  
“ _Young man,_ just _what_ do you get up to on those weekends!? Getting the life choked out of you!?”

Neil was fretted over a bit, but he stopped Jeremy before he could try to pull the shirt down and see the extent of the damage. “I’m fine, Jeremy.”  
He didn’t feel the need to explain the bruises. He thought Jeremy probably knew what sort of things would cause them and he could make his own assumptions. 

Jeremy finally moved on, and Neil was halfway to the counter when he saw they already had customers. Or, more accurately, a customer. _Or,_ perhaps even more accurately, _company,_ as the tall, dark haired man was sitting at an empty table with no menu, and Jeremy seemed in no hurry to serve him.  
The _other_ thing that caught Neil’s attention, was the large bruise that covered the man’s cheekbone and the split lip that was still bleeding, as if it had been recently reopened. 

The man stared evenly back at Neil, his posture ramrod straight, as if it were paining him to sit down, but his head tilted down slightly, as if he were trying not to be noticed. 

“What... What happened?” Neil asked hesitantly, knowing that _he_ was one to talk.

The man considered him another moment, gray eyes stark against his black bangs. “Rough client. And you?”

Neil’s eyes widened in understanding, then narrowed in confusion. Then quickly glanced behind him to find that Jeremy had already gone into the back. Why was he telling him this? How could he tell that Neil as well-? Did Jeremy know too? Could _everyone_ tell?

Neil swallowed hard and stepped cautiously to the booth the man was sitting at. He sat down across from him gingerly, hands gripped tightly in his lap. He bit his lip harshly, then spoke. “Rough night. How did you...?”

The man’s shoulders relaxed minutely, as if he had been taking an educated guess and was relieved it was proven to be true. “Jeremy has been concerned about you lately- _Do not_ worry. He does not suspect anything. I made my own conclusions based on his observations.” 

Neil had tensed up immediately, fight or flight mode activated, and in his case, it usually meant _flight._ But relaxed a bit at the man’s reassurance. “So… You guys are friends?”

Neil wasn’t sure how he felt about Jeremy talking about him to other people. Especially about his _well-being._

The man nodded lightly. “We are. And he knows about what I do on weekends, so he will not judge you for your circumstances.”

The man’s accent was comforting, despite the words it was uttering. It reminded him of the small towns in France his mother and him used to live in, the little shops and bakeries feeling so _homey._ Like something he never got to have.  
“Thanks, but it’s really none of his business.”

Neil didn’t believe for a second Jeremy wouldn’t be disgusted with him. No matter how kind a person is, they all have their limits. Jeremy’s really good at pretending to care, but he’d _have_ to fire Neil if he found out. He’d have to call him in. He only was trusting _this_ man with this much because he was in the same amount of shit that Neil was in.

The man took that in stride. “Indeed. I am Jean Moreau. What is your name?”

Neil crossed his legs at the ankle and clenched his hands tighter. “Neil Josten.”

“It is good to meet you,” Jean studied him a minute longer. “How old are you, Neil?”

Neil was a bit surprised to hear Jean’s voice softening at the question. Perhaps it was that that startled him into answering truthfully. “Seventeen.”

It was almost whispered, and he wasn’t sure if Jean even caught it. But Jean just looked at him sadly and responded, just as softly, “I was sixteen.”

Neil stared at his lap and said nothing, quietly soaking in the bits of information he’d been given.

\--

That weekend, the marks on his neck had faded enough for him not to be worried about them, but business was startlingly slow. 

On Friday, Deric didn’t show up all night, and neither did much of anyone else. For one of the busiest nights, it was scarily off-putting. He heard the girls grumbling to each other about it and the most he saw any of them get that night were alleyway quickies and the like. Everyone was on edge because of it.

Saturday was a nerve-wracking one, with people trying to find jobs wherever they could to make up for lost money the night before. He even saw girls outright approaching strolling men, and only some of them succeeding. Neil’s hands were getting jittery.

Sunday night was frantic. Neil saw a police car patrolling the area once or twice and he suddenly understood why this weekend had been so dead.  
He saw the girls both trying to stay out of sight and inconspicuous, while also knowing they needed to make more money tonight. 

It was probably safer to just go back home for the night, but he noticed some of the girls leaving the area and it didn’t look like they were going home.  
Then it hit him.

They were going to try working another area while the cops were here. 

Neil didn’t know why he hadn’t thought of it before.  
He knew he’d need to get a good amount of distance from this street and ended up walking for half an hour before he finally decided to stop and mill around.

This area was less of a residential junkyard and more of a business junkyard. There were brightly lit signs advertising massages, nail salons, small restaurants, and a singular strip club.

Neil thought it was as good a place as any.

The downside of this area was that it was packed with people, and though Neil assumed that would mean more people would be picking him up, it _actually_ turned out to mean _less_ people were willing to stop their cars and risk being seen with him hopping in.

He got more alleyway blowjobs and hand-jobs than he’d ever gotten in a night, maybe because of the fact that the crowds made it easier to blend in and not cause a scene. Especially since no one here seemed to give a shit what others were doing.

He wandered closer to the strip club, having the idea that maybe some unsavory characters would be hanging around who didn’t want to pay so much to get a service. Maybe lingering out there to try and catch a worker on their way to their car.  
It made Neil a bit sick, but he took his opportunity 

Neil eventually was approached by a man, balding a little with meaty arms, and went along with it when he was asked if he was a worker here. If this man’s fantasy was to fuck a stripper, Neil wasn’t going to take that away from him. 

Neil _didn’t_ know, however, that that fantasy included the man wanting to fuck him right next to the club. He was terrified of someone seeing them, but his attempts to negotiate went ignored. He eventually resigned himself to his fate, one of the man’s greasy hands cupping Neil’s backside and his face buried in Neil’s neck.

“Excuse me? The sign says ‘no loitering’.” A woman’s voice came from behind the man grabbing Neil tightly.

Neil’s heart seized violently in his chest, and he was already starting to squirm out of the man’s grip.

But the man held fast. “We ain’t loitering nowhere. Run along back to your pole.”

It was one of the workers, then. Neil really needed to leave.  
“Uhm…” He started softly, hesitantly. “Can you… We can do this somewhere el-”

“This _is_ loitering, and it’s in front of _our_ business, so I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The woman’s voice came again, firm and leaving no room for argument.

The slimy man argued anyways. “We _ain’t_ loitering! He works here! Now _get!”_

Neil’s eyes widened as his breath froze in his throat. He was busted for sure. He was going to both lose this man’s business _and_ probably get the shit beat out of him for lying. He _had_ to leave.  
“Excuse me, I really need to-” He tried again shakily.

“Yes, he _does_ work here and that is why he needs to get back to work. Alex! Come on, your break ended ten minutes ago.” The woman’s voice spoke up, and Neil startled at being addressed, before he realized that she was offering him an out.

He stepped away from the man gingerly when his grip loosened, and jumped a little when his wrist was grabbed harshly. Neil was already thinking about how to talk his way out of this and readying himself for the possibility that he might not be able to, when the woman stomped over and shoved the man away from him.

Neil stepped back as soon as he was free, rubbing his wrist where it was still a bit bruised from Deric’s ropes. 

“I _said_ he’s getting back to work. Now _leave_ before I report you.” She spat harshly and strode back towards the entrance, one hand on Neil’s shoulder to lead him.

As soon as they were safely inside the doors, the woman’s posture relaxed and she turned to face him. “I’m sorry talking for you like that. That guy was a creep. Are you alright?”

In the better lighting he could see her kind brown eyes and the curls in her dark, short hair. Neil nodded lightly, hands still shaking a bit. “Sorry… For loitering.”

Her eyes softened. “Oh, honey, it’s no problem. That guy was _not_ someone you wanted to be caught alone with, _trust_ me. He waits out there often, harassing the employees.”

That was exactly what Neil had counted on, though now he felt guilty for exploiting it.

The woman studied him for a moment longer. “I’m Dan, but in here they call me Hennessey. Do you usually work this spot?” 

Neil shook his head slowly. “Police…”  
His tongue stalled on him. He shook his head again, trying to gather his thoughts.

Dan looked understanding.  
“They invading your area? You poor thing,” She pursed her lips as she looked at him. “Are you alright on money? I don’t want you doing anything too dangerous just so you can eat tonight. I can spare some cash.”

Neil looked up at her quickly, eyes wide. “No, no, I’m fine. I don’t need anything.”  
He _really_ didn’t want to be in debt to someone he just met.

Dan just clicked her tongue and pulled out two fifties from her bra. “Hope you don’t mind, they don’t exactly give us pockets in these things.”

Neil looked at her skin tight outfit, then at the outstretched hand holding the money. “It’s… It’s really okay. I don’t need it.”

“Just take it, alright? You won’t owe me anything, don’t worry. I needed more room for the rest of my payment tonight, anyways.” She winked at him, and pushed the cash into his hands. 

He took it carefully, looking at it like it might explode in his hands.

“What’s your name? Unless you’re cool with me just calling you Alex?” Dan smiled at him gently, teasingly, and Neil was surprised by how comfortable he felt in her presence.

“Uh, Neil.” He nodded once, as if confirming the name with himself. “Thank you for helping me out. Bye.”

He turned back to the door awkwardly, abruptly, but Dan didn’t seem to take offense to it. 

“See you around, Neil.”

\--

Because of Dan’s generosity, Neil bought groceries on his way home that night. He walked up the stairs to reach the second floor holding exactly four plastic bags, which is four more than he brought to his apartment last week.  
He was still on edge from tonight, but he felt satisfied with the weight of the food in his hands, even if the money wasn’t hard earned.

Neil had been pleasantly surprised to find that blond dude wasn’t smoking outside the building, but he should have known that luck wasn’t on his side.

He had just set down two of the bags to unlock his apartment when the door to the right of his opened. He glanced over briefly, and did a double take when he spotted blond hair. 

The shorter man looked him over, eyes stopping at the grocery bags. “Oh. I’d started to think you didn’t eat.” 

Neil was still shocked.  
“You live here?” He asked stupidly.

The man raised an eyebrow at him and pointedly looked back at the door he’d just come out of.

“No, I mean-..” Neil furrowed his eyebrows. “Right next to me?”

“It would appear that way, yes.” His eyes scoured over Neil’s form briefly, as if taking in facts of his appearance and stowing them away. It was strangely impersonal. “I see you look less like you slept with a leech.”

Neil bristled, his shame from earlier coming back up from where he’d stuffed it down into a crevice of his mind. It was confusing how this guy was able to bring out emotions in him that no one else was able to claw out. And with no effort, too.  
“You’re seriously starting to piss me off. How is any of that your business?”

“It’s not,” The man shrugged, closing his door behind him where he'd left it open and locking it. “What high school do you go to?”

Neil was at a loss for words. Who did this guy think he was? Why did he think Neil was going to engage him in conversation and indulge his questions? “I don’t go to high school, asshole.”

“Is that so? Because you look like you’re 16.” The man said, like it was a simple observation, not like it was something that could absolutely ruin his contract at this building and get him fired from, or at least get his hours cut at Sweetie’s. 

Neil clenched his jaw. “I’m 18. And not like you look any better. From farther away I could mistake you for a 16 year old too.”

Neil huffed. Perhaps he was being immature, but he was annoyed. This guy, this stupid smoker who was apparently his next door neighbor, acted like he knew everything about him, like he was _entitled_ to knowing everything about him.

The man just stared at him coolly, until Neil finally unlocked his door and headed inside with his food. 

\--

Thursday evening he saw him again. Only this time it wasn’t at his apartment building, and he’d brought three other people with him.

Neil was waiting tables when he saw the group being seated, and he missed the last few orders the customer gave to him because of it. He apologized immediately and asked the woman to repeat herself, while he wondered what sort of sick coincidence this was. 

Neil stumbled to the kitchen to relay the orders and did a double take when he got back out to the floor to see that the group was seated in _his_ section. He closed his eyes briefly to stabilize himself and headed in their direction.

“Hi, welcome to Sweetie’s. My name is Neil and I’ll be your server today. What can I get for you?” The practiced line soothed his anxiety a fraction, the normality of it calming.

“Oh, _hello_ there.” A taller man with curly brown hair smiled flirtily. “I haven’t seen you here before.”

“We haven’t been here for weeks, dumbass.” An annoyed voice cut in, and Neil glanced over to where it came from. A carbon copy of his neighbor sat to the left of the brown haired man, with his actual neighbor on the right. Twins. 

“Ye- Uhm… I just started here pretty recently. And I don’t work weekends… Maybe that’s…” Neil trailed off.

His neighbor was staring at him. It wasn’t exactly unusual, but seeing it in a different context, with other people surrounding him, was off-putting. It looked like he was cataloging every word, every _reaction_ Neil exhibited.

“Well, I’m sure I would’ve remembered such a pretty face! My name’s Nicky, but you can call me whatever you want.” Nicky winked, his grin lighting up his face.

But Neil only felt uncomfortable. He was subjected to looks and words and touches all weekend and he almost looked forward to working at Sweetie’s, where all he had to do was deal with annoying customers and people overlooked him as if he wasn’t even there. 

“We’ll just take the ice cream special.” A new voice cut in before Neil had to respond, this one from the tallest of the group. Piercing green eyes met Neil’s blue, and Neil swore his blood stopped in his veins. 

Kevin Day sat in front of him. _Kevin Day._  
The little boy who had lived across the street from him. The little boy he had grown up with. The little boy who had seen first hand the effects of Neil’s father’s abuse.  
The little boy who had grown up to become a first rate model, alongside _Riko Moriyama._  
The little boy he had watched grow up in the spotlight, a place that Neil was absolutely furthest from, shining and happy and _successful._ While Neil ran for his life, his only comfort, and his strongest source of pain, was seeing Kevin _safe._

And now he was in front of him, in a rundown ice cream place in _South Carolina,_ with a misfit band of boys, with dark circles under his eyes and a stark black “R” printed on his left cheekbone. 

“Kevin.” Neil blurted out. 

It wasn’t a realization. It was a damnation.


	2. Disagreements Make The Heart Stronger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!!  
> I can't tell you how excited I get each time I can sit down to write another chapter of this!! It helps you all are so supportive!!
> 
> Keep the comments coming, you're all so kind!!

“Pardon?” Kevin raised an eyebrow, confused and impatient.

“It’s-” Neil bit the inside of his cheek. _Hard._ “Nothing. Sorry, I’ve just seen you around. Love your work.” 

Neil cleared his throat as Kevin dismissed him, heart pounding in his chest, but accidentally locked eyes with his neighbor, the blond man watching him closely. 

Neil looked away quickly. “The special for all of you?” 

Nicky nodded, his grin still in place, and Neil couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes. “I’ll have that right out for you.”

Neil could not have walked away from that table faster.

\--

For the first time ever, his neighbor caught him _before_ he headed to work on Friday. He had gotten home from Sweetie’s a few hours previously, had dressed and ruffled his hair and headed back out to face the world. 

The man’s voice stopped him. “So, how do you know Kevin?”

Neil stalled right after locking his door behind him. He turned to face the blond, a hand going down to subconsciously tug on the hem of his shorts, attempting to make them cover more leg. Neil huffed. “I already _told_ you, I know him because of his model-”

Neil cut himself off abruptly when sharp metal pressed against his throat. His eyes shot up to meet his neighbor’s. They looked… _different_ , than usual. They still were slightly dull with boredom and disinterest as Neil saw them often, but tonight they gleamed with something… _else_. 

“I’m not interested in your lies, _Neil,_ ” The way the man said his name let him know just how much he believed it was _real_.

Neil’s breath stuttered in his throat and it felt like he was trying to breathe around a lump large enough to choke him. He opened his mouth once and closed it again. Finally he spoke, “What do you want?”

The words were muttered, a feeling of cold resignation filling him as he pictured the knife slicing his throat open. He could almost feel the sickly warm liquid spilling from the gash, slowly draining him of his life.

The man’s eyes darted over his face, taking in his reaction and noticing the way his body slumped against the door. Neil thought he saw his eyebrows twitch, but that was the only sign he’d noticed the difference in Neil’s body language. “I’ve already asked you, _how_ do you know Kevin? I will not ask again.”

Neil swallowed carefully, paying no mind to the way it made the knife dig deeper into his skin, pinching until it drew a small amount of blood. Neil really didn’t want to have this conversation here. He didn’t want to miss work, either, but the blade stinging against his skin seemed to give him no other choice. “We… grew up together, alright?”

“In what way?” The man prompted immediately, hand steady and eyes locked on Neil’s. 

“Uh, he lived across the street?” Neil chuckled nervously, wincing only slightly when he felt blood trickle down his neck at the movement. He knew the smaller man wouldn’t take that as an answer. “Can we have this conversation elsewhere?”

“Got something to hide?” He asked, but removed the knife from his neck nonetheless.

Neil saw his chance and he took it.

He grabbed the man’s arm and popped his free palm against the inside of the man’s wrist harshly, scrambling to pick up the knife from where it clattered to the ground, and _tore_ down the hallway. Neil took the stairs two at a time, as fast as he could go without tripping.  
He needed to get _out_ of here. With both the risk of Kevin remembering who he was and a man that seemed too keen on Kevin’s safety to leave him alone, the odds were stacked _highly_ against his favor. 

Neil swore he could feel his heartbeat in every inch of his body, his hands and fingers tingling oddly. His mind was blank, but he thought his body might be panicking. This was the longest he’d stayed in one place since he ran with his mother, and his body didn’t seem too keen on going back to runaway mode so soon. 

His body’s distraction proved fatal when he burst out of the front doors, straight into a hard body. He blinked, steadied by two large hands on his shoulders, and he only had time to glance up and register Kevin’s face before Neil found himself intimately familiar with the sidewalk.

He gasped as the breath was knocked out of him, a hard knee digging into the small of his back and he felt fingers trying to pry the knife away from his hand. Neil held on for dear life, his instincts _screaming_ at him to not let go of his weapon, don’t let the other get an advantage, _don’t let her do this again, please not again-_

“ _Andrew,_ what are you doing?” A shocked voice came from above him, _Kevin’s_ voice. 

It suddenly felt harder to breathe than before. What was Kevin doing here? It’s not _safe_ , she’s _here, Kevin was never supposed to be involved with this-_

Neil barely felt the knee lift from his back, but his arms immediately pushed him up to a sitting position and he spun around, holding the knife out in front of him as his vision swam and his hands shook. Neil couldn’t get a breath in. 

“Kevin, _go,_ ” Neil gasped out. He couldn’t see Kevin, couldn’t see _her_ , couldn’t see anything, but he could hear her soft laughter cutting through his eardrums and- “Kevin, _Lola,_ she’s-!”

Kevin's sharp intake of breath cut him off and it reminded Neil a bit of something _he_ should be doing, but air was constricting around him and his lungs wouldn’t let anything in. 

“ _Nathaniel_?” Kevin’s voice was strained as he came to this realization, like he didn’t want to believe he was right, but all the pieces were laid in front of him neatly.

Neil wasn’t here right now though, and the sound of his given name pierced through his core like a bullet. He whimpered, scrambling back until he hit the brick wall next to the door; the same wall he’d happened upon Andrew all those weeks ago. 

“Andrew, leave it. I’ve got him.” Kevin’s voice had quieted considerably, and he knelt in front of Neil’s curled up form.

Neil shook at the presence, sure his eyes were open, but all he saw was sharp nails, and wicked blades and _blood-_

“Nathaniel,” Kevin repeated. “It’s just me, _look_ at me.”

Neil couldn’t hear, his lungs were filled with water, his ears were clogged with sand, his eyes were coated in ink, he-

A hand grabbed his wrist and Neil’s reaction was violent. He scratched at the arm holding him captive desperately, feet kicking out as he attempted to just _get them away._ The hand that was held still was the one with the blade and Neil mourned it’s absence and knew his nails weren’t persuasive enough.

Neil stilled completely though, when the thumb pressing into his wrist started tapping a familiar rhythm. Tapping along to Neil’s too quick heartbeat and his body instinctively took it as a sign to slow his breathing. Neil sucked in his first breath of air in what felt like ages and he squeezed his eyes shut. 

The thumb took to stroking the delicate skin of his inner wrist as Neil’s heart evened out, something deep in his memories reacting to the ministrations even when his mind couldn’t reason the meaning out. 

“It’s just me, Nate. You see? You’re safe.”

Neil’s eyes blinked open, processing the face in front of his and feeling his posture relax slightly, a child’s easy trust settling over him.  
“Kevin…” He mumbled tiredly, eyes scanning over their surroundings, looking for Lola, looking for his father, searching for threats, and finding none except for the blond man watching them cautiously, eyes trained on the hand Kevin still had in his hold.

Neil noticed his fingers were still holding the knife in a death grip and he slowly uncurled them, blade clattering harmlessly to the concrete below. He relaxed further against the brick wall, still trembling, eyes fixed on Kevin’s face.

Kevin’s thumb was still tracing nonsensical designs into Neil’s skin, his bright eyes clouded with emotions Neil couldn’t name, not in his delicate state. Neil could only stare helplessly at the fractured colors there, his gaze drifting to Kevin’s hand and finally to his arm. His mind took in the bloody lines clawed down Kevin’s wrist with desperate fingers. 

He was suddenly back in that small shed, nine years ago, feet covered in dust and hands covered in Kevin’s own. Soft mumbles of the best reassurances an eleven year old could give, giving Nathaniel something to focus on so he could just _breathe_. The guilt flooding his stomach once he calmed down, Kevin in the line of fire, his own fingernails to blame for pain caused against his friend. 

Neil made a keening sound, barely audible, free hand reaching out for Kevin’s wrist, his mind soft and malleable, his body feeling so _small._  
He touched his fingertips gingerly to the broken skin. “M’sorry, Kevin.”

The words were whispered, an exact echo of the words he spoke back then. 

Kevin’s expression tightened, his free hand gently taking Neil other hand. “Let’s get you inside.”

He pulled him up carefully and held him up when Neil’s legs threatened to fold under him, an arm steadily around his waist.

“Andrew, could you get the door?” Kevin turned over his shoulder to look at Andrew. Andrew’s eyes promised many questions later, but he answered Kevin’s request without comment, sensing the delicate situation.

\--

Neil was still a bit fuzzy when they sat him down on their couch, Neil tucking himself in a corner and pulling up his knees to his chest. The two of them apparently shared this apartment, which meant he’d been neighbors with Kevin for _months,_ and never knew any better. His eyes searched for Kevin again as soon as he was settled and relaxed when he met his eyes, even though he had been holding him just moments prior. Kevin was _safe_.

Kevin had a hard time taking his eyes off Neil as well, now that he recognized him for who was. Andrew was glancing between the both of them, trying to pick up the pieces of their past they had scattered in their wake. 

Kevin sat next to Neil after a moment's hesitation and Neil nudged his foot closer, still covered by ratty sneakers, until it was pressed against Kevin’s thigh. They both seemed reassured by the contact.

Andrew stood before them, eyes tracing the outlines of their broken figures. “You grew up together.”

It wasn’t a question, more like a confirmation of what Neil had already told him, so he said nothing. He did, however, move his eyes to Andrew’s, curious as to what Andrew could find if allowed to search in his gaze.

Kevin nodded, hands folded neatly in his lap, but it couldn’t disguise the tenseness in his posture. “I’ve known him since I was nine.”

“I was six,” Neil added, meeting Andrew’s gaze without hesitance, his cards all on the table. “Whenever I could get out of the house, I was with him.”

Andrew searched his face, no doubt finding the multiple confessions packed in those simple sentences. 

Kevin turned to Neil, like he was reminded of something. “Why were you running?”

It was a loaded question indeed. But Neil took it to mean earlier. “Andrew was asking me about you. I couldn’t tell him.”

Kevin’s face shuttered. “You were going to leave again.”  
It wasn’t a question.

Andrew’s stance adjusted as he processed the ‘again’.

Neil furrowed his eyebrows, frustrated that Kevin still didn’t understand. “You know I had to go, Kevin. He was gonna end up killing me, you _know_ that. And if he found out about you, you could’ve been-”

“I _said_ I would protect you!” Kevin cut him off fiercely. 

Neil froze for a moment, then sighed softly, hating the crease worried between Kevin’s eyebrows. “Against my father? You were a _kid_ , Kev.”

“And you still are.” Kevin’s face left no room for argument, his gaze hard and unrelenting.

Neil stared at Kevin in shock. He didn’t know what to say to that.  
So, he opted to say nothing. Neil had never suspected Kevin would still harbor such strong feelings about him. 

“You _still_ are,” Kevin repeated, as if the first time hadn’t already left a gaping hole in Neil’s chest. “And I’m not letting you leave again.”

“Kevin, I _can’t_ stay-” Neil tried again.

“Why.” Kevin stopped him, the word short and clipped. “Because of your father? Your mother? I saw the news, Nate, it-...”  
Kevin swallowed hard, forcing his expression to stay steady. “I thought you were dead.”

The words were quiet, but they rang out in the room. An accusation mixed furiously with guilt and grief. Kevin had blamed himself. Neil couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain Kevin went through when he heard. 

Neil wanted to apologize, wanted to _explain_ , but what came out was, “That’s how I wanted it.”

Kevin stood up abruptly, as if he couldn’t bear to be in the same room with him anymore. Neil almost stopped him, but he had nothing to say. What _could_ he say?

Andrew sat on the floor in front of him when Kevin left, fingers twirling a different knife than before. Neil briefly wondered how many he owned. “I’m not done with you yet.”

Neil let out a breath. “I know.”  
He stretched out his legs in front of him, toes touching the floor. “But I have some questions for you as well.”

They watched each other for a bit, both studying the other’s reactions, trying to predict the next course of action. The silence wasn’t what was uncomfortable. It was the way Andrew was looking at him again, the way he seemed to make every wall Neil built sturdily around himself turn invisible. 

Andrew finally spoke, “Who is your father?”

He spoke like he already knew the answer, like he had already connected the dots between his knowledge and the words Kevin had damningly spoken. But Andrew didn’t seem the kind of person to act on theories, to do anything with hunches before they were confirmed.  
Neil rolled his shoulders a bit, swiping briefly at the thin line of blood starting to scab over on his throat. “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

Andrew didn’t deign him with a response, but Neil didn’t expect him to. “My father’s name is Nathan Wesninski.”

“The Butcher.” Andrew clarified.

Neil nodded. He was surprised by how _un_ surprised he was that Andrew showed almost no reaction to his startling truth. It was as off-putting as it was calming. 

“Is he still tracking you?” Andrew asked. _Is he a danger to Kevin?_ Neil had no problem reading between the lines.

Neil rubbed his forearm briefly. Kevin might be under the assumption that because Neil’s father was put away, it meant Neil was safe. Neil knew better. “He might be. He was arrested a couple of months ago, and he’s in for life, but… It’s almost guaranteed he still has people on the outside loyal to him. Even if he can’t give them orders anymore, they’ll know how desperate he was to find me.”

“And why is that?” Andrew’s eyes were focused, not losing a single detail of what Neil told him.

Neil ran a hand through his hair as he sighed through his nose. “When my mother took me and ran, we took a large amount of money with us to survive. Though it’s more likely he was focused on the fact that we ran away at all. Loose ends are embarrassing to those as prideful as my father.” 

“‘We.’” Andrew observed. Neil heard the undertone just fine. _You were a child when you left. Yet, you take responsibility for it as if you had a choice._ That didn’t mean Neil had to _like_ that Andrew could read him.

“What are you, a shrink?” Neil laughed defensively. “It’s my turn for questions.”

Andrew settled into his cross-legged position. Neil took it for the affirmation it was.  
“What are you protecting Kevin from?”

“People like you.” Andrew flipped the blade in his hands and slid it into his armband.

Neil waited, because it wasn’t the answer he had asked for. Andrew took his time, but at length, he extended his reply. “Riko Moriyama.”

That took Neil aback. Riko? Why would Kevin need protection from him? Sure, he was cocky in interviews and always gave off a distinctly unpleasant aura, but Neil didn’t think he was _dangerous_.  
Then he recalled the ‘R’ stamped on Kevin’s face. Like he was _property_. It wasn’t there the last time Kevin had shown up in the public eye, and maybe it was part of the reason why he hadn’t taken any gigs in awhile.  
“Why?”

Andrew shrugged. “Ask him yourself.” _It’s_ his _story to tell._

Neil bit his lip and considered how to use his next question. He could ask why Kevin was hanging around Andrew. He could ask why Andrew had let Kevin get close to Neil, right after it was _Andrew_ who attacked him in the first place, who didn’t trust him. He could ask why Andrew seemed to study Neil as if he were a puzzle to be solved.  
Finally, he decided.

“Why are you protecting Kevin?”

Andrew stared at him. “Didn’t you already ask this question?”

Neil shifted in his seat, frustrated at Andrew pleading naivety. He clarified regardless, “I’m not asking why Kevin needs your protection, I’m asking why _you_ are protecting him.”

Andrew studied him closely. “We have a deal.”

“And what is that deal?” Neil countered immediately.

“I protect him and he keeps me alive.” Andrew answered vaguely, already standing up.

Neil was confused. Kevin was protecting Andrew? No, that didn’t make sense. If Andrew can protect Kevin, he wouldn’t ask someone else to protect him in return. Also, Andrew didn’t use the word ‘protect’. He said Kevin _kept him alive_. “What does _that_ mean?”

“Ah, ah,” Andrew tutted, heading for the door to the hallway. “You’ve used up all your questions, _Nate_.”

Neil’s temper rose at the nickname, only Kevin was allowed to- “Don’t _call_ me that!”

But Andrew had already left.

\--

Kevin found him two hours later, packing his new duffel bag with the clothes he could fit. Even despite his dire income, he found he had too many belongings to fit in the same-sized bag as his old one. It was an interesting feeling, having something to leave behind. He didn’t think he’d miss the laptop.

“Are you fucking _kidding_ me!?” Kevin’s voice came from the open doorway of his bedroom and Neil could’ve sworn he jumped ten feet in the air. He didn’t hear a thing. 

Neil spun around to face him, clutching the bag to his chest protectively and subconsciously. His eyes were wide as he took in Kevin’s expression. He was _angry._ Unbelievably so.

Kevin stomped towards him and ripped the bag from his hands, throwing it halfway across the room, scattering his clothes as it went. Neil flinched violently when it hit the wall. 

“You are un- _fucking_ -believable!” Kevin took Neil by the shoulders and Neil forgot to cower away, big eyes locked on furious ones and Neil could _feel_ Kevin’s hands trembling. “Why do you always do the opposite of what I say? I tell you to leave your father, you stay. I tell you I’ll protect you, you don’t believe me. I _tell_ you to stay, you _fucking start running_!” 

Kevin’s hands had tightened on his shoulders, painfully so, and Neil didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t _stand_ to see his friend so distraught. “ _Kevin_. Kevin please, I just-”

His words were cut off as he was slammed back into the wall, his head bouncing off it bruisingly. He gasped, his breath being punched out of his lungs for the second time that day. He sagged against Kevin’s hold.

“I don’t want your _excuses_ , Nate. I want you to stop running when things don’t _go your way!_

__

Neil blanched. He opened his mouth, fully intending to reply, but found he couldn’t get the breath in to do it. He was trembling badly from adrenaline and stress, too much happening in one night for his body to keep up with. He closed his eyes tightly, fully expecting another blow, when the weight of Kevin’s hands suddenly disappeared. 

__

He opened his eyes in confusion and found Kevin’s shocked gaze fixed on Andrew. Neil took them in and noticed Andrew’s hand on Kevin’s arm, and the glint of a blade positioned at Kevin’s gut.  
Neil noticed Andrew muttering something quiet to Kevin, something that sounded threatening, but Neil was still rearing for a fight from Kevin’s last words. His breath was suddenly back in his lungs and his tongue was itching to be used. 

__

“‘When things don’t go _my way_ ’?” Neil shouted back at Kevin. “ _Fuck you!_ You have no _idea_ what I’ve been through. You have no fucking idea because _I_ protected you from it!”

__

He stalked closer to Kevin, fuming, watching Andrew’s hand on Kevin tighten as he held him back. “You talk big about ‘ _protecting me_ ’, but what did you really _do_? You were a _normal kid_ , Kevin! I wanted you as _far away_ from my life as I could get you.”

__

He got close enough that Andrew had to put his knife away in order to have a hand out in front of Neil, not touching him, but a barrier between him and Kevin. “You were there for the aftermath, and you stitched me up, and _thank you_ for that, but I could’ve done it _myself_. Without getting _you_ involved.

__

“I ran _for you_ , and fuck you for thinking otherwise! You have _no clue_ what those seven years were like, you _don’t know_ how many times I wished I was back home, getting beat by _my father_ , just so I could see you again.” Neil took in a shaky breath, watching Kevin’s face slacken.

__

“But every time I was about to break, every time I thought about getting caught and brought back, do you know what I thought of? I thought of _you._ Getting hurt by my father if he found out, getting _killed_ by him for associating with me, or having to _live_ next to the place that he finally killed me in and having to go through the rest of your life with that knowledge.

__

"So, yeah, _fuck you_ , Kevin Day. For ever thinking that everything I’ve done hasn’t been for _you._ ” 

__

Neil was burning. His skin was red hot and it felt like fire was searing through his veins. His words aimed to hurt, to _maim_ , but also to just make him _understand_. Kevin just didn’t _get it_ , and Neil was so tired of _no one_ **_getting it._**

__

****

__

He barely registered when the two left the room, Andrew removing Kevin from him as soon as Neil was finished. Neil thought he was thankful. He needed to be alone.

__

****

__

He painstakingly started picking up his strewn-about clothing, folding them quietly and placing them neatly in a pile next to his sleeping bag. He tucked his now empty duffel bag into the opposite corner, a silent act of resignation. 

__

****

__

\--

__

****

__

The next time he saw either of them again was Saturday night, when Neil was walking back at 2am, and he was _beyond_ exhausted. He found Andrew smoking outside at his usual spot and Neil’s mind went back to last night’s events. He felt irritated all over again.

__

****

__

Andrew put out his cigarette as soon as he noticed Neil, and tucked his hands in his jacket pockets. Neil sighed, his head pounding. “What do you want?” 

__

****

__

“You and Kevin are close, huh?” Andrew asked blankly and Neil had no idea what direction this conversation was heading in.

__

****

__

“Yeah? Why are you asking me this? I’ve already answered your questions.” Neil ran a hand through his hair and grimaced a little when it came away sticky. It _really_ hoped it was just sweat. 

__

****

__

“Wanna tell me why your _friend_ is throwing your shit and slamming you into walls?” Andrew barely added inflection to his sentences, much less _emphasis_ and Neil was suddenly more on edge than before.

__

****

__

Neil didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how Andrew _wanted_ him to respond. “Uhm… he was angry? I don’t know what you want me to say, he was upset with me.”

__

****

__

Andrew made a noise that could’ve been disbelief. “He was upset with you? So, yeah, as long as he has a _good reason,_ he can push you around all he wants, is that it?”

__

****

__

Neil was completely lost, but now _Andrew_ seemed upset. No. ‘Upset’ didn’t seem like the right word, but Neil couldn’t place what was radiating off Andrew right then. 

__

****

__

“What is your relationship with him really?” Andrew pressed.

__

****

__

Neil pressed his eyebrows together and frowned. “He’s my friend. I’ve known him forever, he… We’ve always fought a lot. It’s normal.” 

__

****

__

Andrew scoffed. “What Kevin has is a superiority complex he gleaned off of his ex. And what you have is a mouth apparently loud enough to set off anyone who speaks with you. However, he tries that shit with everyone. What I don’t understand, what makes _you_ different from the others, is that _you_ put up with it.” 

__

****

__

Neil’s headache had only gotten worse, but his incredulity won out in the end. “I don’t get what you’re trying to say. Look, I need to go inside and shower, and probably go talk to Kevin. He gets antsy when there’s no resolution after a fight.”

__

****

__

Neil had reached for the handle of the door, but Andrew stepped in his path. “You mean he gets ‘antsy’ when you don’t immediately submit to his twisted sense of authority.”

__

****

__

Neil was getting aggravated, his irritation over his fight the night before and his restlessness from being stopped before he was able to run finally starting to get to him. “I don’t know what you’re trying to imply, but Kevin’s a _good_ person. He’s just protective and he loses his temper sometimes. Can you _please_ just get out of my way?”

__

****

__

Andrew twitched. “Don’t say that word.”

__

****

__

Neil thought through his last sentence and the moment Andrew reacted, and adjusted. “Would you _kindly_ get the fuck out of my way?”

__

****

__

Andrew stepped neatly to the side, but his expression was just the wrong shade of _off_ that Neil knew this conversation wasn’t over. 

__

****

__

\--

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****

__

Neil showered and changed back into his loose, comfortable clothing, and was just finishing toweling off his hair when someone started banging on his door. He hung his towel across his neck and cautiously stepped to the doorway. He looked through the peephole and relaxed only slightly when he found Kevin’s irritated face on the other side.

__

****

__

He unlocked his door and let him in. Kevin didn’t waste any time with pleasantries.  
“Where have you been?”

__

****

__

Neil stepped out of the way as Kevin charged past him and then closed the door behind him. He took a deep breath.  
“What do you mean?” He asked tiredly.

__

****

__

“What do I _mean_?” Neil winced a bit at his tone, his headache had been soothed a bit by his cold shower, but now it was inching its way back through his temples. Kevin didn’t seem to notice. “You’ve been gone _all night_!”

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“I have not been gone all night, Kevin.” Neil sat gingerly on a pillow next to the wall, what he liked to call both his couch and his dining chair. 

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“It’s two in the morning!” Kevin said incredulously. 

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“Which is why you need to keep your voice down or we’ll get a complaint.” Neil finished up toweling his hair and folded the damp towel across his lap.

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“Oh, please, there’s been worse noises in this building,” Kevin rolled his eyes, but he lowered his voice nonetheless. Neil looked up at Kevin when he crouched in front of him. “What were you doing out so late?”

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“Kevin, I mean this in the kindest way possible, but fuck off.” _Fuck_ , Neil wanted to sleep.

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“Fuck-? What do you _mean_ ‘fuck off’? I can’t be worried about you anymore?” Kevin went to grab Neil’s hand, but Neil moved it out of his reach.

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“Don’t-.... Just don’t touch me, okay?” Neil breathed out shakily. “You _can_ still worry, because I know you will, but just because my father isn’t here doesn't mean you’re suddenly in charge of me, got it?”

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Kevin opened his mouth to protest, but Neil cut him off. “Look. You came here to resolve our fight, yes? Let’s not start a new one.”

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Neil thought that would be the end of it, but nothing was ever that simple with Kevin. “Nate, you are _seventeen_ years old, living on your own and staying out all night. I am twenty and that means-”

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“Absolutely fucking _nothing_.” Neil looked at him in disbelief. “You think your _age_ gives you authority over me? If you’re just going to argue with me, get out. I need to sleep.”

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“ _Nate_ , we need to have this conversation, if-” Kevin put his hand on Neil’s shoulder, _despite_ Neil’s strict instructions. It was the last straw. 

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Neil shoved him off of him perhaps with more force than necessary. “Don’t _touch_ me. Get _out_ of my face, Kevin.”

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Kevin fell on his ass from the strength of Neil’s outburst and looked at him, aghast. 

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Neil shrugged his shoulders jerkily, grabbing his towel and standing up. Andrew’s words were still burning in his mind, like a flame he couldn’t put out. “What? You pushed me around last night, now we’re even.”

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He walked to the door quickly and opened it. He stepped to the side, holding it open. “Get out of my apartment.”

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Kevin stood up, at a loss for words. “You’re kicking me out? You can’t-”

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“ _Out_.” Neil only had so much patience and strength to keep himself from either committing murder or having a panic attack. It was a toss up which happened first and with the way things were going, it wouldn’t be too long before he found out. 

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Kevin mercifully let himself out, slamming the door after him for good measure. And _Neil_ was the child. 

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\--

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Neil didn’t sleep much that night, his thoughts keeping his eyelids peeled back and his heart racing. He had _just_ found Kevin again and he was already on bad terms with him. He hated it, _hated_ arguing with him, but they used to fight all the time. They were two strong personalities trying to coexist because they _needed_ each other. But now… What did Neil even need from him?

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It was nice to be around him, sure. He was glad to be reassured that he was safe. But his presence constantly reminded him of home, and his aura recently had been strong and confining. They couldn’t coexist this way. They were two magnets pushing each other away, only pushing further apart the harder they tried to get closer.

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When he saw strong light coming from the window next to his sleeping bag, he knew it must be late afternoon. He wasn’t even sleeping, but it seemed like an awful chore to get up. His eyes were dry and itchy, and his skull ached badly. Now that he thought about it, that could have something to do with the bruise he sustained from Kevin on Friday night.

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He probably would’ve stayed in bed for the rest of the day if it weren’t for the cheerful knocks made on his door. It wasn’t Kevin’s impatient pounding and he doubted Andrew would knock in some stupid pattern. He got up out of curiosity and stood on his toes to use the peephole. To his great confusion, it was one of the men Andrew had brought to Sweetie’s on Thursday. Nicky, he’d said his name was.

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Neil opened the door cautiously.

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“Neil! Hi! I’m here to- Shit you look terrible!” Nicky grimaced dramatically as he took in Neil’s bedraggled, yet sleep-deprived, appearance. 

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“Oh…” Neil said awkwardly. “Yeah, I didn’t sleep well last night. What… What are you doing here, Nicky?”

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Neil is fully convinced Nicky’s grin could rival the sun. He almost squinted because of it. “You remembered! Ah, yeah, Aaron and I live a couple doors down, being related to Andrew and all. You know what they say! Keep your friends close and your enemies closer!”

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Neil wasn’t sure what he meant by that. “Right… Uhm, so, what did you need?”

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“Oh! Andrew is inviting you to come to Sweetie’s with us! We don’t usually go on Sundays, I actually have no clue why he decided to go today, not that I’m complaining, but-”

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Neil cut Nicky off. “He invited me?”

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Nicky didn’t seem to mind the interruption. “Yeah! I was surprised too! It’s usually just us, you know, Kevin’s a new addition, but it’s definitely a plus, if you know what I mean. It’s not hard to tell why he’s a model, I mean, have you seen his-”

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“I’ll come.” Neil blurted out, before he could think better of it. Kevin would be with them. Maybe if they talked in a neutral setting, with other people with them, it would keep both their tempers in check.

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Nicky looked surprised at the easy agreement, but recovered quickly. “Great! We’re leaving in ten, so just change and… Maybe wash your face, yeah? We’ll get some caffeine in you while we’re there, don’t worry.”

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Neil nodded absentmindedly, already trying to plan how to breach the subject with Kevin, and closed the door once Nicky left to finish getting ready. 

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\--

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The diner was more crowded on Sunday than it usually was during the week, though Neil supposed that made sense. It was odd to come here and sit at a table, rather than go to clock in, but Neil just followed the others to where they usually sat and tried not to think about the costs of food here as opposed to the grocery store. 

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The others all ordered various items for their late lunch and Neil thought it might seem rude if he didn’t order anything, so he asked for scrambled eggs and a water.

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“Hey! I said we’re getting you caffeine! Are you a coffee person or a tea person?” Nicky cut in before the waitress could leave.

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Neil was uncomfortable with the attention. “I’m okay with a water.”

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Nicky basically ignored him. “Or do you want soda? I know it’s basically breakfast food here, but it’s the middle of the day! A man wants what he wants! Can we get a large coke?”

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Neil figured it was too late to change the order, but he hoped to at least correct it. He turned to the waitress. “A small, if you could.”

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She nodded, jotted down the last of the orders and hurried off to the kitchen. Neil tried to keep from sighing. One small soda wouldn’t kill him, he’ll be fine. His budget will be _fine_.

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Once the food came, everyone settled in a bit more, sorting out orders and switching around dishes to try to get everything to fit. Kevin was sitting right beside him, so while everyone started on their food, Neil tilted his head slightly to Kevin’s and started quietly. “Kevin, I’m sorry.”

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Kevin glanced at him, sprinkling salt over his own scrambled eggs. “For what?”

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Neil took that as his cue to continue, rather than an admission that Kevin was in the wrong as well. “For lashing out at you. I don’t take back what I said, especially on Friday night, but I regret yelling at you and pushing you. That was wrong.”

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Kevin nodded stiffly. “So, you don’t take back what you said about wanting me out of your life?”

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Neil paused. _Here_ we go. “Kevin, I-”

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“Because I distinctly remember you saying that you wanted me as _far_ away from you as possible, is that correct? That _you_ were protecting _me_?” Kevin had switched to French and it took Neil’s brain a moment to realize he was speaking in a different language. He didn’t know _when_ Kevin had picked that up, or _how_ he knew that Neil could speak it as well. Kevin probably took an educated guess based on how far Neil’s travels on the run seemed to take him, but it threw Neil off nonetheless. 

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“Kevin…” Neil didn’t like that he saw the others at the table glance up at them briefly at the foreign syllables before suddenly pretending they were interested in something else. All except for Andrew. He had no problem with letting Neil know he was listening to their conversation, whether he could understand it or not. Neil took Kevin’s cue and hesitantly replied back in French. “Yes. Yes, okay? My life was, _is_ , dangerous. I just want you safe, I’m sorry if that offends you.”

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“ _Offends_ me? Yeah, maybe I don’t like the little boy I always stitched back together after a tough day telling me what to do. Telling me not to protect you anymore. It’s not gonna happen, okay? You’re staying here and _I’m_ gonna keep you safe.” Kevin, buttered his toast jerkily, trying to keep up a calm facade. 

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“I’m not-” Neil stopped himself. Maybe having this conversation here wasn’t a good idea. It was supposed to quell their tempers, not just make them have to hide it better. His voice trembled a bit as he said it, but he assented. For now.  
“Okay.” He whispered.

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It felt like a new cage.

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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm,,, sorry??  
> I didn't mean to write Kevin like this, I swear, but each time I tried to rewrite it, it didn't feel right. I promise it'll be resolved, I want them happy just as much as you do!!  
> I swear I don't control the characters, they control me. Kevin was writing himself, bro 
> 
> Be on the lookout for the next installment soon!!


	3. Warm Food and Hungry Hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!!! So sorry this took forever. I've been adjusting to school starting back up and trying to get my sleep schedule back on track.
> 
> Thank you all for waiting!! We finally have a bit of fluff!!! I think we all need it.

The next day found Neil with his head on Kevin’s lap in the apartment Andrew and him shared. Kevin was running his fingers through Neil’s hair idly, while Neil’s stomach was swirling with restlessness. He had just gotten home from work at Sweetie’s and, according to Kevin, Andrew would be just about to head _to_ work. 

He was tired, but his body didn’t want to keep still. Kevin’s solution was to force his body to keep still, but it wasn’t helping. Kevin’s fingers in his hair were familiar, but not as relaxing as they used to be, especially considering the weekend they had.

Andrew walked out of his bedroom in a black ensemble that was slightly more professional looking than what he usually wore. When he reached the living room, he paused. His face revealed nothing, but the fact that he stopped at all was a bit concerning to Neil.

Kevin looked up from Neil’s hair, shoulders relaxed and breathing even. At least someone was getting something out of this.  
Kevin seemed to think nothing of Andrew’s strange reaction. “You off to Eden’s then?”

Andrew just looked at them for a second more. “And you’re coming with me.”

Kevin furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m not.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You’re not staying here alone. This is part of our deal.”

“I’m not alone. I’m with Nathaniel.” Kevin resumed the movement of his fingers through Neil’s hair, eyes soft like he was looking at a child. Neil thought he hated it. When would Kevin look at him like an _equal?_

Kevin looked like he suddenly got an idea. He looked proud when he said, “Nate will come with us.”

Neil was already feeling drained.

Andrew glanced at Kevin, then looked down at Neil. Neil stared back, wondering what Andrew was looking for. Finally, Andrew replied, “No.”

“I’m not leaving him here by _himself!_ Andrew, he-” Kevin tried.

“-Survived on his own before he found you again and will survive a night by himself. We’re leaving.” Andrew cut him off, grabbed his keys, and left. 

Kevin scoffed a bit at Andrew’s abrupt exit, but didn’t dare argue. Neil sat up so Kevin could stand, and Kevin gathered his things. He turned back to Neil right before opening the door. “Stay here.”

It didn’t sound like a suggestion. However, Neil didn’t intend to obey.

\--

He spent his evening at his own apartment, getting ahead on his assignments, occasionally smacking the side of his laptop in an attempt to make it work. It never helped. 

He drank some water, considered buying tea later, made a mental note about it, and eventually laid down to try and sleep. 

He slept for a few hours before he heard knocking on his door. Even without being familiar with Kevin, he would’ve known it was him. He expected him to come when he didn’t find Neil where he told him to be. 

Neil ignored him. He needed a break.

Kevin tried a few more times and eventually moved on. Neil thought that was the end of it, when he heard loud voices next door. Well, technically one loud voice. Kevin’s.  
Neil assumed Kevin was talking with Andrew, but Andrew was either ignoring him as well, or talking too quietly to hear through the thin walls. 

The voices quieted down after a while, Neil hearing his name mentioned a few times in Kevin’s frustrated voice. Neil was too tired to care. He was only thankful there was no more pounding on his door and he was alone in his own apartment. 

\--

Neil was able to sleep in on Tuesday, since his shift started at noon, and his body _needed_ that extra rest. He woke up feeling better than he had in awhile. He had no headache, he didn’t feel exhausted, and he had had a _real_ dinner last night. 

He arrived at work, ready to face the day, and Jeremy definitely saw the difference. He smiled happily at Neil when he clocked in. “Neil! How are you?”

Neil smiled at him obligingly, small, but sincere. “I’m good.”

Jeremy’s smile widened. “I’m glad! Hey, I was thinking… Are you busy tonight?”

Neil was taken aback at the question, wondering what Jeremy could need. Did he need him to take another shift tonight? It could be a good opportunity. “Yeah, I don’t have anything going on.”

“How would you like to have dinner with Jean and I?” 

Neil’s mind did not comprehend. The proposal was so different from the response he’d been preparing for that his brain just shut off for a moment. “Uhm…”

Jeremy quickly backtracked at his hesitance. “I mean, like, at my place! Wait, does that make it worse? I just meant-.. Uh, that it’s casual. You don’t have to like, dress up or anything. It’s us, you know?”

Jeremy’s rambling didn’t really help Neil’s scrambled mind. “At… Your house.”

“Well, just an apartment… And you met Jean, right? Dude, I might even be able to convince him to cook for us. I’m normally the one who does, but damn, he-... Uh, sorry. Do you want to come?” Jeremy ran a hand through his hair awkwardly, bouncing on his toes a bit with his seemingly endless energy. 

Neil felt a bit off balance. The only person who’d ever invited him over was Kevin. He didn’t know how to take this. Jeremy wanted him to.. Come over? And eat his food? Why? What was Neil doing in return? Was Neil supposed to bring money? Should he invite Jeremy over after this? It didn’t make any sense. “Uh… Do I…? Uhm, I mean. What should I bring?”

Jeremy cocked his head to the side like a golden retriever being offered a treat. “Hm? Just yourself, man! Does that mean yes?”

Neil nodded slowly before he really knew what he thought. Just himself? He didn’t know what that meant. “What… What time?”

“How does 7pm sound?” Jeremy’s smile was back full force.

“Uh, I have-” Neil started.

“Oh, right! Marissa can cover for you! There’s no reason you can’t get off an hour or two early! Especially just one time.”

Neil nodded again. “Okay.”

“Sweet, man! Any food allergies we should know about?” Jeremy was taking out his phone as if he was going to document Neil’s answer. 

“Uh, no. I’ll… I’ll be there at seven then.” Neil really just wanted to end this confusing conversation. He hated being unsure of himself. 

“Sounds good to me!” Jeremy grinned and clapped him on the shoulder, heading back behind the counter. Neil surprised himself by not flinching at the contact.

\--

Neil left work at six and went back to his apartment to get ready. The situation was unknown and therefore it made him anxious. It was all he could think about for the rest of his shift and that didn’t change once he was back at his building. He was in the shower when it finally hit him what “just bring yourself” might mean.

His hands froze from where they were tangled in his soapy hair. No… That couldn’t be… Right? Jeremy didn’t even… But Jean?  
Was Jean living with Jeremy? Jean mentioned that Jeremy knew about Jean’s job. Was what he meant by that…? 

Neil tugged on his hair, chiding himself for being so _stupid_. Why would he think that someone would just invite him over out of the kindness of their heart? Everyone wanted _something._  
But if Jeremy already had Jean, what did he need Neil for? Did he want them both to…? No. Neil didn’t think he was ready for that, he couldn’t-

His breathing had steadily grown quicker, and he crouched underneath the mildly warm spray of water. He closed his eyes tightly. A free meal? What was he _thinking?_  
He had already said he would go though, didn’t he? How could he back out now? Jeremy would be mad at him. Would he fire him over this? 

Neil pulled at his hair, the sharp sensation reminding him of his mother. Her sure hands, her blunt nails, tugging and pushing and keeping him on track. He wouldn’t have made such stupid decisions if she was still here.  
Or Kevin. Kevin used to keep him on track too, didn’t he? He always kept Neil from spiraling, he always made sure Neil held himself together once his father or _Lola_ was done with him.

Why hadn’t he consulted with Kevin? He would’ve known what to do. Neil was so _stupid_ , too stupid, on his own. How he had survived this long, he wasn’t sure.  
He couldn’t go to Kevin _now_ , though. He wouldn’t let him go, and Neil _knew_ he had to go. Maybe Neil could find ways out of it in the future. It didn’t have to continue, right? Jeremy probably just wanted to try something new, it would be _okay_.

Neil was eventually able to get his breathing under control and he rinsed off and dressed while shaking only _slightly_. He left the building with thirty minutes to spare and with the route to the address Jeremy gave him memorized. He wondered briefly if he should get a phone for times like these, but using google maps on his laptop had worked out fine for him so far. 

He arrived ten minutes from seven and contemplated waiting outside until it was time, but ultimately decided it was better early than late, and it was better to get it over with rather than stew in anxiety for longer on the curb. 

He made it through the front door and up two flights of stairs without much fanfare. However, his shaking resumed as soon as he was in front of the correct numbered door. He ran a hand through his hair, not batting an eye when it got caught on an odd tangle. He had to just get this over with. 

Neil knocked.

The door was opened without much delay, and suddenly Neil was faced with a grinning Jeremy. Jeremy’s hair was mussed and he was dressed more casually than Neil had ever seen him, it made Neil thankful he hadn’t been lying about the not dressing up part. 

“Come in, come in! Shoes on or off, I don’t care, it’s just carpet,” Jeremy beckoned him in and led the way deeper into the apartment. “Jean’s in the kitchen! I can’t believe he agreed to cook, you might need to come over more often.”

Neil slid out his shoes neatly and followed Jeremy to the kitchen. He tried not to think about the implications of Jeremy’s last sentence.

They found Jean’s stirring something in a large saucepan, wearing a red apron and looking intensely focused. He hardly glanced up when they entered. “Jeremy, get me more butter. _Unsalted._ ”

Jeremy glanced at Neil, throwing a sheepish grin over his shoulder as he went to get what was asked of him. “Part of the reason him cooking is so rare. He always gets like this.”

Jean spared another look at Neil. “Hello, Neil. I am glad you could make it.” 

Neil forced the edges of his mouth to quirk up slightly, but he didn’t know if he succeeded in forming a smile. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Neil spent the next half hour sitting at the dining table as Jeremy fetched things for Jean around the kitchen. Jeremy kept him constantly engaged in casual conversation throughout, but it wasn’t enough to stop the bouncing of his leg under the table. 

When the meal was served, conversation veered from Neil’s cooking experience (next to none) to Neil’s time in France (a full year and a half, though he told them he only spent a semester there as part of a high school program. He adjusted his accent according to that level of experience when asked to display language skills) to if pets thought they owned _us_ (Jeremy’s doing. Jean dismissed the idea with a huff. Neil obliged him though, amused with that bizarre topic of conversation). 

Neil found himself laughing and relaxing his shoulders as the night went on. He was warm and his stomach was full, and he felt... _safe._ He would berate himself later for letting down his guard so easily in front of them, but it just felt...right. 

It was only two hours later when he was standing outside their apartment building, a soft smile on his face, ready to head back home with leftovers in his hand, that he remembered why he was so anxious to be there before. His smile slipped from his face in confusion, and his heart kicked into overdrive in preparation to run before finally realizing there was nothing to run from in the first place. 

Nothing had happened.

Neil’s instincts hadn’t even alerted him to anything suspicious once he was in there, as it does with the most menial of places. Their home and their interactions didn’t set his hands shaking or his eyes flicking around in search of exits. He hadn’t even thought about his concerns while spending time with them and that was...unusual for him. Normally he couldn’t get his brain to turn off even when he was in his own apartment and was dead tired. This was...an interesting development to say the least. 

\--

Neil arrived back at his apartment in one piece, put the leftovers he’d been gifted in his fridge, and went to his bedroom to wait. He’d left the door unlocked, sure Kevin was going to come check in before bed. Meanwhile, he changed out of his sweatshirt and grabbed a t shirt to put on.

Kevin came in unannounced as expected, but Neil hadn’t expected him this quickly. 

“Welcome back. Where were you?” To be completely honest, Neil was surprised Kevin gave him that much of a greeting before cutting to the chase. Kevin, however, paused as he took in the sight of a shirtless Neil. 

Neil had startled slightly when Kevin came into his room, and he quickly went to slip the shirt over his head, his scarred torso not something he wanted to share.

“Stop.” Kevin commanded, and Neil did. He lowered his arms, shirt loose in his grasp as Kevin came closer to examine the damage. Kevin had seen his fair share of violence carved into Neil’s skin from when they were children, but Neil knew it had gotten worse from his years on the run. Guns and hard gravel had done their fair share on his body, and Neil knew it wasn’t a pretty sight to look at. He had some clients who couldn’t stomach it and sent him away without a dime. Others saw him as the same cutting board his father had seen in him and wanted to add their own mark to his abused skin. 

Kevin’s fingers landed gently on his shoulder and started tracing their way around raised skin and faded lines. Neil shifted uncomfortably, but stayed still, watching Kevin’s expression. He expected to find anger and concern, but instead Kevin’s eyes looked...lost. His gaze was both focused and far away, his touch light, but eyebrows pinched. 

“I was at Jeremy’s.” Neil muttered quietly, answering Kevin’s earlier question almost absentmindedly as his mind followed every path Kevin’s fingers traced. Kevin nodded almost imperceptibly, blinking a little as he came back to the present slowly.

Neil felt a hand on the back of his neck and found himself pulled to Kevin’s chest, strong arms holding onto him protectively. Neil was stunned into stillness for a moment, feeling Kevin’s heart beat under his head steadily.

“I’m sorry. Nate, I’m _so_...” Kevin sounded choked up as he tucked Neil’s head under his chin and held him just the smallest bit tighter. “I should’ve-...”

Neil hesitantly wrapped his arms around Kevin’s waist, not liking the idea of his friend crying over him. “Don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Kevin shook his head, his chin ruffling Neil’s hair. “I did. I _did_. I shouldn’t have left you with your father. I should’ve found a way to get you out. You shouldn’t have had to endure what you did, at home and after you left.”

Neil didn’t know how to answer because he _did_ go through all that and there was no way to undo what’s done. Kevin’s sentimentality didn’t make sense to him and his pity was misplaced when it came to Neil. The best Neil could do was let Kevin hold him and work through his thought process. If rubbing Neil’s back and apologizing was Kevin’s way of calming down, Neil could do this for him.

He just hoped it wasn’t an everyday thing.


End file.
